Chaos theory is an area of inquiry in philosophy, physics, and mathematics which studies the behavior of certain dynamical systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions. This sensitivity is popularly referred to as the butterfly effect. As a result of small errors in initial conditions, widely diverging solutions can be seen in chaotic systems, which is essentially random, or irregular, behavior. This happens even though these systems are deterministic, meaning that their future dynamics are fully determined (though not necessarily predictable) by their initial conditions with no random elements involved. This behavior is known as deterministic chaos, or simply chaos.

Chaotic behavior is also observed in natural systems, such as weather. This may be explained by analysis of a chaotic mathematical model which represents such a system. Quantum chaos investigates the relationship between chaos and quantum mechanics.

Amusingly this is the point where I find myself. I am a deterministic statistic. Through choices and lessons that have been imparted upon me, experiences and people met, I am the amalgamation of all those things up to this point. This result, as I see it, is but one potential out of thousands. More confusing still, my own experiences are also dictated by the experiences of others around me, and theirs by the people around them. My existance only came into being due to "small errors" before my existance was created. So where did it begin? What the fuck was the initial condition? What the hell started this mess of bull shit that is life? Or, more importantly and ego-centric, how the fuck did I manage to make my way into existance? Statistically, my life beginning seems to be as small a chance as our planets ability to sustain life. Some would consider this a miracle, but I find it more a nuissance. No, I don't mean that I hate life, I just hate this not knowing about it.

Some scientists claim the Big Bang, but apparently the numbers don't all add up.
Some other scientists say "String Theory" and that's an ugly bag of snakes in itself that offers only further questions.
Some lofty religions would have me believe that some magnificent and omnipresent douchebag decided to start everything. To which I promptly flip him the bird for creating such a flawed and senseless creation like humanity.

So where does this begin? How does it end? I don't fucking know, and that bothers me more almost as much as the idea of wasting into a worthless old man. I hate the fact that I'm a series of random events. I almost wish there was some kind of God out there who had dictated everything to some kind of Divine Plan. But I can't even do that. I was a little kid in elementary school, and stories of God always rank of "Fairy Tales". They're nice to hear about, but nothing ever rang true. Haha... I've been a cynic since the early age.

I've always accepted that our inability to know all the answers is what most likely spawned religion. People play on the fears of others, and the unknown is one of our most carnal fears of all. So why shouldn't people prey on that dibilating weakness that we as a species possess? Yet it doesn't make it anymore right. We're a society driven by fear. Fear of Swineflu. Fear of Economic Collapse. Fear of not looking good infront of our neighbours. Fear of losing friends. Fear of not living up to our potential. Fear of Communism. Fear of Capitalism. Look around, and you'll only see fear being perpetuated by media and government. It's being peddled to us ultimately we're no different than those from the Dark Ages living in fear of Satan's shadow. Yet now we turn from the rigidity and routine of a Feudal existance to one of false choices.

We can choose Coke or Fanta. Heaven forbid we look at those two soft drinks and realize they're both the same damn company. We're a society with the illusion of choice, and we're willingly enslaving ourselves because we think we're not being oppressed in some form. We think that we're safe and secure here in the west where we can fill our guts to the bursting point with useless bullshit.

This is why I play videogames. So I can numb my stupid head to these ideas. Fuck. I hate having to spew out my thought process in this... well chaotic mess of bullshit that is above me, but I s' pose that's really there is to it.

Now I'm gonna go to bed like a rational person who's supposed to be working tomorrow. Maybe the smell of the good food at the Butcher shop and my delightfully funny/racist manager will help distract me. Today I learned how coloured kids apparently used to eat "chips". And by "Chips" he meant Lead based paint chips. And by "coloured kids" he was talking about poor black kids. I don't even fucking know how our conversations get to that point, but it's funny and weird all at the same freakin' time.